I’ve been made fun of for how I dress. When I was in middle school, hoards of girls pointed and screamed at me while I walked down the hallway while wearing my favorite Debbie Gibson pants. They were acid washed and covered in fake flowers.
I make a lot of mistakes. I’ve worn some awkward, ill-fitting, and stupid stuff.
The article of clothing I own that gets a lot of stares and double takes is a vintage Dries Van Noten vest I bought in Antwerp. The sleeves are deliberately missing and there’s always the hilarious person who goes, “Did you get in a fight?” or “They didn’t finish it!” or “I hope you didn’t pay full price!” Most of the people who say such witty remarks aren’t with us anymore. I immediately murder them after they say it with a swift slice to the base of the skull. I bet some of you were thinking it and you’re lucky you didn’t say it out loud because you would already be dead.
Dries is known for being an intellectual designer, having excellent craftsmanship, beautiful fabrics, and worldly references. There’s a running commentary with his garments where you think there was a mistake, but you realize it was planned all along. He designs for a woman who isn’t concerned with being sexy, or obsessed with looking skinny. She doesn’t care what men think. #nastywoman
Because my vest is unfinished, you can see the structure of the shoulder and the interior stitching, something we are rarely in tune with today.
People get grossed out when I tell them I can eat a can of anchovies without flinching. But if I really want to watch guests try to stay polite, I make an aspic. If you have gelatin, then it’s aspic time! You name any ingredient and you can plop it in there to create magnificent and revolting food! It can be “fancy” with champagne and caviar, or healthy with chunky, diced carrots, savory beef broth, and an enormous, yummy hard-boiled egg, or make some with tomato juice and layer it with cream cheese and pickled celery! Guaranteed to satisfy and impress!!
So, weird. But just in case I was coming off too weird and snotty, you need to watch me scarf down a Kraft American grilled cheese while wearing my Abercrombie & Fitch sweatpants. My husband still does a double take.